Every Last Word

Review ebook Every Last Word

This book is a saccharine sweet fairy tale version of a very real mental illness, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), as well as the very serious issue of bullying, without true emotional depth. It’s the equivalent of ordering a black coffee at Starbucks, taking a sip, only to find out that you’ve been given a caramel mocha instead. It is unrealistic, it is a Disney-fied version of real life, complete with a happy ending.

Real life doesn’t work that way. Mental illnesses don’t work that way. I k This book is a saccharine sweet fairy tale version of a very real mental illness, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), as well as the very serious issue of bullying, without true emotional depth. It’s the equivalent of ordering a black coffee at Starbucks, taking a sip, only to find out that you’ve been given a caramel mocha instead. It is unrealistic, it is a Disney-fied version of real life, complete with a happy ending.

Real life doesn’t work that way. Mental illnesses don’t work that way. I know very well it doesn’t work that way because I’ve got it.

I have OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder). It’s a lesser form of OCD. I don’t obsessively count things, I don’t get massive panic attacks, I don’t get major anxiety attacks, but I know what it feels like to have your own mind turn on you at times. My mind is constantly racing at hyperspeed. I can’t relax. It takes me 2 hours to fall asleep every night because I can’t be at rest. Like the main character in this book, I have survived on very little sleep for a very, very long time. I’m constantly tired.

When something falls out of pattern in my day. When I don’t get a certain machine at the gym. When I can’t do this or that at a certain time. I do not get major panic attacks over them, but at the same time, things just feel wrong. Certain things, minor to others, will ruin my day. “Why can’t you just use another machine?” It doesn’t work like that.

Most often, if people ask, I just laugh it off, because honestly, I don’t care. I feel like my OCD does make me a better person, in some ways. I know I work more efficiently than most, I know that my boss loves that part of my mind because it ensures I’m THE BEST EMPLOYEE EVER because I will not let anything slip through the cracks. I know that this part of my personality drives me towards knowledge because that, too, is an obsession. I’m not ashamed, but I still know how the character in this book feels, knowing you’re not entirely normal, and hiding it from most people you know so that you won’t be judged, because most people can and will judge anyone with a mental disorder.

I know I’m not my mental illness. I think I’m an awesome person. I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m pretty good looking for my age. But at the same time, there’s a part of me that just constantly whispers “You’re not normal. You’ll never be normal.” It takes a lot of effort go to through my day sometimes.

I know what OCD is, and for me, this book does not accurately portray it. As I mentioned before, this is a book published by Disney, and it is more for the dreamy Perks of a Wallflower crowd than anyone who truly wants to understand the depths behind this mental illness. This book is far too sweet, far too improbably, far too unrealistic.

The main character, Samantha, has OCD. She is a repetitive thinker. This feeling of obsession does not persist throughout the book, her mental illness only resurfaces occasionally. There is no feeling that she is constantly under the weight of this mental illness the way a real mental illness should be. When I finally pulled into the driveway that evening, the last digit was resting on a six, so I backed out again and drove around the block a few times until the odometer stopped where it belonged. And now I have to do that every time I park. Everything in life is perfect, pretty much, understanding mom, fantastic psychiatrist (not all psychiatrists are that awesome, I assure you), and she is a part of the popular “Mean Girls” at school. She hates them, but she fits in perfectly well with them, and she is perfectly able to disguise her OCD despite having been diagnosed with a severe form of it by the age of 10. I assure you, this is not true in real life. Nobody who has OCD can conceal it that well, particularly not a child. It is almost impossible that Samantha can fit in and disguise herself as normal to the most conceited, most judgmental, most observant group of girls on campus, girls who have known her since childhood.

And then there’s the artificially sweet and improbable artsy-fartsy little Poetry Corner with whom she falls in when she tries to make some true friends, people who understand her, people who express their emotions through words and poetry and song. A private little club that nobody knows about. Gag me, really. Real life doesn’t have this shit. As I scan the room, taking in the slips of paper scattered around me, I think I catch Caroline and pixie-cut girl look at each other. “What is this place?” I ask again, hearing the amazement in my own voice.
Pixie Cut answers me. “We call it Poet’s Corner.” Real life doesn’t have friends with whom you can constantly click, with whom you immediately reveal your inner self.

This book not only deals with OCD, but with the issue of bullying, and it deals with it in a manner that feels completely false. The main character may not be a bully herself, but she does so out of peer pressure. Her group, the Mean Girls, have constantly taunted and made fun of others whom they deem inferior. “A-A-A-Andrew…” to the tune of the Chia Pet jingle, and then she starts cracking up.

“How can you not remember Andrew? That kid stuttered so badly he couldn’t even say his name. We used to follow him around singing that song.…You have to remember this!”

Oh, God. I do. It’s all starting to come back to me, and when she sings that horrible song again, I can see Kaitlyn and me in our skirts and ponytails, trailing behind him on the playground while he covered his ears, tears streaming down his face, trying to run away from us. We never let him get far. Bullying is a very, very serious issue, and this book does not give weight to it. It glosses over the fact that the character was a bully. It never truly delves into the mental process and the depths behind such an act. The main character feels bad about it, she feels a lot of remorse, but there is never any feeling of true emotion or sincerity upon her reflection into it.

There have been a lot of bullying stories in the news. There’s so much that goes on in the mind of a person who tortures someone so much. This book should have portrayed the feeling of self-hate, of insecurity, of the darkness in the mind of the person who does the bullying. In my opinion, this book completely failed at it.

Again, this is a Disney-fied book about mental illnesses and bullying. I understand that the author does not have OCD, and she is doing her best to portray a mental illness. One does not have to have a mental disease to write about it, but a book about such serious issues should feel realistic and relatable to the reader, and particularly, one who suffers from it. This book failed to do that, for me. …more